I just had a breakthrough while I was walking to my husband's office a while back.
I realized why I'm having problems with my current job. It's because I have to adapt to an existing system. In my previous jobs, I always had the leisure of doing things my way. I always started from scratch. But now, I have to pick up where others left off.
I guess this is where I will have to learn -- and unlearn -- some things.
It's also timely that I found a document a few days ago, near the photocopier in the office. Maybe my guardian angel placed it in my line of sight, just to offer me comfort and support:
"10 Tips on How to Succeed from Failure:
* Failure doesn't mean you are a failure...It does mean you haven't succeeded yet.
* Failure doesn't mean you have accomplished nothing...It does mean you have learned something.
* Failure doesn't mean you have been a fool...It does mean that you had a lot of faith.
* Failure doesn't mean you've been disgraced...It does mean you were willing to try.
* Failure doesn't mean you don't have it...It does mean you have to do something in a different way.
* Failure doesn't mean you are inferior...It does mean you are not perfect.
* Failure doesn't mean you've wasted your life...It does mean you have a reason to start afresh.
* Failure doesn't mean you should give up...It does mean you must try harder.
* Failure doesn't mean you'll never make it...It does mean it will take a little longer.
* Failure doesn't mean God has abandoned you...It does mean God has a better idea!
God looks at you and sees a beautiful person waiting to be born! If you could see in a vision the man God meant you
to be, never again could you be quiet...
You are God's idea and God only dreams up beautiful ideas. He is expecting great things from you. Cooperate! Believe
in yourself, now, and draw the possibilities out of your being."
Sound inspiring, doesn't it? I'm trying to keep a positive attitude. I still have my moments when I feel lost half the time, when I feel like I'm committing a lot of booboos, and when I feel that the people around me swear I'm just plain stupid. But I guess I just have to keep rereading what I've written above, and prove that I can hurdle this.
It also helps, that, going back to my mobile phone's inbox, there are so many messages of support from people I hold dear in my heart...such as my good friends, my husband, and my mother. They absolutely believe in me. Sometimes, when I read their messages, I wonder why I have lost faith in myself, when all they can see is how fully-equipped I am to face up to the challenges.
Of course, when all else fails, I could always looks for a new job. But can I ever rest, knowing that I backed down?
It just takes a little more work than I anticipated, but -- for the moment -- it looks like I can lick this helluva job.
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Monday, April 2, 2007
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Talking Myself into It
I'm facing times of self-doubt. When I feel that the tasks I have on hand seem to be bigger than me. I feel on the verge of failure and it's scaring the hell out of me.
I've always been confident in work. This time, though, it feels different.
Why am I here? Why did He put me in this position? I am searching for reasons but the answers have yet to be revealed to me.
For the moment, I just look to my son for inspiration. To give me the drive to surmount the obstacles. Because at this point in time, I really have no choice but to swallow my fears, not to give in to despair and frustration, and to tell myself that I have to succeed no matter what.
I can do this. I can do this. I really, really can do this.
For my son.
I've always been confident in work. This time, though, it feels different.
Why am I here? Why did He put me in this position? I am searching for reasons but the answers have yet to be revealed to me.
For the moment, I just look to my son for inspiration. To give me the drive to surmount the obstacles. Because at this point in time, I really have no choice but to swallow my fears, not to give in to despair and frustration, and to tell myself that I have to succeed no matter what.
I can do this. I can do this. I really, really can do this.
For my son.
Monday, March 19, 2007
1st Day After the 31st
It's my first day of work after my 31st birthday.
Today, I started my post in my new company. It's a bit of an adjustment for me, coming in my corporate duds, waking up really early to make it at 8:30am, having no internet connection of my own. Sigh. It's like shoving into my face just how good I had it with my previous company. I'm going to miss it, for sure (the company and its perks).
Honestly, I felt a little intimidated with the amount of work looming over me. All of a sudden, I wasn't so sure whether I was cut out for it. Like maybe I bit off more than I could chew. It didn't help matters, either, that, not only will I be replacing the old manager within two weeks time...I'll also be losing her assistant, who so happens to be resigning by the end of the month, too. Great, just what I need, the workload of two people combined.
Pain, pain, pain...
But if I decide to look at the glass half-full, at least I know that it will be a challenging job. It's definitely miles apart from my usual humdrum life at my former office, where I just surf the internet the entire day, my life punctuated by the papers I have to sign or the memos I have to compose.
My new job also cemented what I, once upon a time, told my husband about his career path. He was complaining that he had so many seemingly unrelated jobs, and that if he knew he'd be landing in the industry, he shouldn't have spent so much time with his other stints. I told him that it wasn't true. See, he was a computer teacher for kids, a musician, a factory worker, a cutting-edge IT employee, among other things. I said, look at where you put all these things to use now. His patience with clients is infinite (owing to his teaching experience with kids), he definitely has rhythm in his edits (courtesy of his rockstar past), he's not afraid of dirty work (imagine he used to clean up factory dregs in the noonday heat), plus he's more computer-savvy than most other technicians in our former network (that's the IT part playing).
Everything adds up. God's plan is just plain foolproof.
So now, I am left doing the same internal debate with myself. Am I throwing away my 10 good years in the business? Did I just become a corporate sell-out?
Maybe. Or maybe not.
Or am I just talking myself into staying on?
Hmmm...is 31 too early for a mid-life crisis?
Today, I started my post in my new company. It's a bit of an adjustment for me, coming in my corporate duds, waking up really early to make it at 8:30am, having no internet connection of my own. Sigh. It's like shoving into my face just how good I had it with my previous company. I'm going to miss it, for sure (the company and its perks).
Honestly, I felt a little intimidated with the amount of work looming over me. All of a sudden, I wasn't so sure whether I was cut out for it. Like maybe I bit off more than I could chew. It didn't help matters, either, that, not only will I be replacing the old manager within two weeks time...I'll also be losing her assistant, who so happens to be resigning by the end of the month, too. Great, just what I need, the workload of two people combined.
Pain, pain, pain...
But if I decide to look at the glass half-full, at least I know that it will be a challenging job. It's definitely miles apart from my usual humdrum life at my former office, where I just surf the internet the entire day, my life punctuated by the papers I have to sign or the memos I have to compose.
My new job also cemented what I, once upon a time, told my husband about his career path. He was complaining that he had so many seemingly unrelated jobs, and that if he knew he'd be landing in the industry, he shouldn't have spent so much time with his other stints. I told him that it wasn't true. See, he was a computer teacher for kids, a musician, a factory worker, a cutting-edge IT employee, among other things. I said, look at where you put all these things to use now. His patience with clients is infinite (owing to his teaching experience with kids), he definitely has rhythm in his edits (courtesy of his rockstar past), he's not afraid of dirty work (imagine he used to clean up factory dregs in the noonday heat), plus he's more computer-savvy than most other technicians in our former network (that's the IT part playing).
Everything adds up. God's plan is just plain foolproof.
So now, I am left doing the same internal debate with myself. Am I throwing away my 10 good years in the business? Did I just become a corporate sell-out?
Maybe. Or maybe not.
Or am I just talking myself into staying on?
Hmmm...is 31 too early for a mid-life crisis?
Monday, March 5, 2007
Heartbreaks
I've had a lot of heartbreaks over the last couple of weeks.
But they're not the heartbreaks I am accustomed to.
First, I unexpectedly found myself jobless. It broke my heart that the post I have held for the last three years of my life is gone. And what makes it even more depressing was that the post was dissolved, not on account of any misdemeanors on my part, but because my company is facing rocky times ahead. And this is a company I have grown to love. I even dared to dream that I had a long future in it.
I also found out that I have lost the heart of a freelancer. When I went back to the "real world", I simply felt that it is not my world anymore. I did not have the heart to face up to the competition again, not because I lost my guts, but because I had lost my heart to my new family. I did not want the cut-throat, dog-eats-dog sphere anymore. I wanted to go back to my comfortable cubbyhole that swarmed with friends who sincerely, honestly want to know how your day was. To the people who I spend majority of my time and efforts with. To the men and women who have become a part of my life. To those who stand as my son's second parents.
But, recently, I also realized that it is also during these trying times that, indeed, you discover who your real friends are.
And it made my heart break all over again when I found out who were my REAL friends and who were just passersby in my life.
Not because I did not want to keep those who have proven themselves real to me; far from it, I am very thankful for them.
It was because I sincerely expected everyone to be real. And therein lies the mistake.
When will my heart stop breaking?
But they're not the heartbreaks I am accustomed to.
First, I unexpectedly found myself jobless. It broke my heart that the post I have held for the last three years of my life is gone. And what makes it even more depressing was that the post was dissolved, not on account of any misdemeanors on my part, but because my company is facing rocky times ahead. And this is a company I have grown to love. I even dared to dream that I had a long future in it.
I also found out that I have lost the heart of a freelancer. When I went back to the "real world", I simply felt that it is not my world anymore. I did not have the heart to face up to the competition again, not because I lost my guts, but because I had lost my heart to my new family. I did not want the cut-throat, dog-eats-dog sphere anymore. I wanted to go back to my comfortable cubbyhole that swarmed with friends who sincerely, honestly want to know how your day was. To the people who I spend majority of my time and efforts with. To the men and women who have become a part of my life. To those who stand as my son's second parents.
But, recently, I also realized that it is also during these trying times that, indeed, you discover who your real friends are.
And it made my heart break all over again when I found out who were my REAL friends and who were just passersby in my life.
Not because I did not want to keep those who have proven themselves real to me; far from it, I am very thankful for them.
It was because I sincerely expected everyone to be real. And therein lies the mistake.
When will my heart stop breaking?
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Stressed Out
I hate seat plans. And I hate it even more when everybody wants to sit on the "good seats". Supposing I only had 30 "good seats", and, like 150 people want to be on all those "good seats"...and all these 150 people just happen to be your boss from somewhere in the corporate ladder.
Would they consider sitting on someone else's lap in the "good seats" area, just so we wouldn't be accused of giving them less importance than some other boss? If that would be the case, then I can imagine about 5 people occupying the same seats at the same time.
I'm not making a lot of sense here...neither are they.
Would they consider sitting on someone else's lap in the "good seats" area, just so we wouldn't be accused of giving them less importance than some other boss? If that would be the case, then I can imagine about 5 people occupying the same seats at the same time.
I'm not making a lot of sense here...neither are they.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Rainy Day Musings
Finally, the big event is over.
I'm kind of ambivalent on the turnout, though...in terms of attendance, it way exceeded our expectations. Imagine, we were only prepared for 120 people, max, but the actual headcount soared to 170. A happy problem, indeed!
However, in terms of organization, I felt that I could've done better. I don't want to pass the blame on other people, but I honestly think that there were just too many changes, too many departments dipping into the project, that, in the end, we were the ones who suffered. Plus, it just sucks that the people who were supposed to be spearheading this project in the first place were all acting like prissy little bitches...their royal highnesses just wanted to sit prettily in their gowns; they're fast to pass the ball back at us whenever we try to get their support. At times, they go as far as abandoning their post. Every year, each time we hold events like these, they act like pampered brats, when, in fact, they should be the ones busting their asses to put everything together. If only all the decisions could come from our end, then, perhaps, things could have been a little better.
I also felt that we were seriously undermanned...like I said, attendance exceeded our expectations, and the simple and quiet event that we had in mind did not quite turn out like that. Come to think of it, the music playing during set-up could've been prophetic: "that's not the way we planned it, that's not the way we planned our lives..."
Oh well, what's done is done. At least we were able to see it through.
On a lighter note, after that brouhaha was over and done with, I got to spend four lovely days with my son. Oh, and last Saturday, my hubby and I even treated him to his first day out! Actually, what started it was his scheduled visit to the doctor for his immunization...since it was a Saturday, my hubby's family decided to come with us so we could drop them off at a nearby mall. And, because it was a weekend, you could just imagine the queue to the pediatrician's office, Heavens, it was a virtual kiddie party at the lobby.
To make the long story short, we left the doctor's office at around 1:00 pm (after lining up from 9:00 am, Jesus...!), and hubby and I decided to go along to the mall to do our grocery shopping as well.
My son's eyes were just ENORMOUS when we were going around! It was thrilling to see him so excited about everything...for me, it's like seeing my world in an entire new light. At first, we brought him around in his stroller, but we decided to pick up a baby carrier, and in the end, it was a really wise decision for us because he was afforded a better view. The little sweetie just didn't want to close his eyes. He even forgot to ask for his bottle, immersed as he was with his surroundings. However reluctant I was to bring him out that day, my doubts were quickly erased after seeing his expression...now, I can't wait to plan our next "excursion" =) And, happily, the little angel forgot the pain from his shots.
My experience with my son that day made me mull over some points in my life today. This morning, I was going through some of my Friendster friends' blogs, and I'm just...amazed...? fascinated...? shocked...? that, like them, my days are filled with so many worries, so many concerns that, to a baby like my son, all seem unimportant. To him, a day begins with a bright, happy smile and ends with a contented little snore...and everything in between is just sunshine and laughter. Sure, he has his crying moments, but those quickly pass by and are soon replaced with his coos and happy shrieks. And all the things he sees are just indescribably exciting.
Just when did we [adults] lose our fascination with the world? When have we ceased to find joy in a ray of sunshine, delight in a colorful flower? When did we start drowning in worldly concerns...and when will it ever stop?
I envy my son his peace of mind and his happy little thoughts. If only I could keep him protected forever.
I'm kind of ambivalent on the turnout, though...in terms of attendance, it way exceeded our expectations. Imagine, we were only prepared for 120 people, max, but the actual headcount soared to 170. A happy problem, indeed!
However, in terms of organization, I felt that I could've done better. I don't want to pass the blame on other people, but I honestly think that there were just too many changes, too many departments dipping into the project, that, in the end, we were the ones who suffered. Plus, it just sucks that the people who were supposed to be spearheading this project in the first place were all acting like prissy little bitches...their royal highnesses just wanted to sit prettily in their gowns; they're fast to pass the ball back at us whenever we try to get their support. At times, they go as far as abandoning their post. Every year, each time we hold events like these, they act like pampered brats, when, in fact, they should be the ones busting their asses to put everything together. If only all the decisions could come from our end, then, perhaps, things could have been a little better.
I also felt that we were seriously undermanned...like I said, attendance exceeded our expectations, and the simple and quiet event that we had in mind did not quite turn out like that. Come to think of it, the music playing during set-up could've been prophetic: "that's not the way we planned it, that's not the way we planned our lives..."
Oh well, what's done is done. At least we were able to see it through.
On a lighter note, after that brouhaha was over and done with, I got to spend four lovely days with my son. Oh, and last Saturday, my hubby and I even treated him to his first day out! Actually, what started it was his scheduled visit to the doctor for his immunization...since it was a Saturday, my hubby's family decided to come with us so we could drop them off at a nearby mall. And, because it was a weekend, you could just imagine the queue to the pediatrician's office, Heavens, it was a virtual kiddie party at the lobby.
To make the long story short, we left the doctor's office at around 1:00 pm (after lining up from 9:00 am, Jesus...!), and hubby and I decided to go along to the mall to do our grocery shopping as well.
My son's eyes were just ENORMOUS when we were going around! It was thrilling to see him so excited about everything...for me, it's like seeing my world in an entire new light. At first, we brought him around in his stroller, but we decided to pick up a baby carrier, and in the end, it was a really wise decision for us because he was afforded a better view. The little sweetie just didn't want to close his eyes. He even forgot to ask for his bottle, immersed as he was with his surroundings. However reluctant I was to bring him out that day, my doubts were quickly erased after seeing his expression...now, I can't wait to plan our next "excursion" =) And, happily, the little angel forgot the pain from his shots.
My experience with my son that day made me mull over some points in my life today. This morning, I was going through some of my Friendster friends' blogs, and I'm just...amazed...? fascinated...? shocked...? that, like them, my days are filled with so many worries, so many concerns that, to a baby like my son, all seem unimportant. To him, a day begins with a bright, happy smile and ends with a contented little snore...and everything in between is just sunshine and laughter. Sure, he has his crying moments, but those quickly pass by and are soon replaced with his coos and happy shrieks. And all the things he sees are just indescribably exciting.
Just when did we [adults] lose our fascination with the world? When have we ceased to find joy in a ray of sunshine, delight in a colorful flower? When did we start drowning in worldly concerns...and when will it ever stop?
I envy my son his peace of mind and his happy little thoughts. If only I could keep him protected forever.
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