A Month in Review

When somebody said that time flies, he sure wasn't kidding. It's already two days into February, and looking back at my January blogging...there's only one measly entry! This after making a resolution to increase the quantity and quality of my blogs! Tsk tsk tsk...

Now that the rant is out of the way, it's time to get back to business.

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Anyway, my son has already put in a month in Nursery school. Here's how it went, per week:

Week 1

• Marked by daily bouts of separation anxiety. It was a chore-and-a-half for my mother-in-law to leave him in the classroom.
• Cried a lot in class, even heaving up at times because of excessive bawling. He's okay upon leaving the house, but his panic increases in direct proportion to his physical proximity to school. The fact that the rest of the kids were crying their eyes out, as well, did not really help.
• Didn't eat well during breaks (they are not allowed to bring in their own food, and he is used to being fed).
• The teachers discovered he could read, and so sometimes he was made to read aloud in front of the class. I'm guessing it's a welcome respite for the tired teachers!
• At the homefront, I implemented SSS - the Smiley Sticker Scheme. Each day that he "survives" school means a smiley sticker on the calendar. I also leave him little notes daily to encourage him to enjoy his classes.
• Reward for earning 3 smileys out of 5: a trip to Candy Empire to get his favourite sweets.

Week 2

• Missed two days of classes because of a throat infection. If you ask me, it was probably the stress catching up on him. That, or he had too much sweets from Candy Empire.
• Seemed to be getting used to the school routine. When I told him he was going to be absent" and what the word meant, he was genuinely sad and said, "I hate being absent!"
• Enjoyed going to school but was largely non-participative. According to my MIL (who watched discreetly from a window), my son didn't join the singing or the games. He just basically did his own thing, sometimes loitering around the classroom. I guess the teachers were just giving him a break and a chance to adjust better.
• Began to trust his form teacher. He gets to the door and immediately takes the teacher's hand. It was an almost no-tears week!
• 2 smileys out of 5. So no reward this week. Besides, he wasn't well enough to enjoy a day out, anyway.

Week 3

•   No more crying episodes in school. But then there's the bargaining. Like on the way to class, he tells his Grandma, "I'm sleepy" or he wants to watch TV "just five minutes longer."
• One time I brought him to school, he went out the classroom, close to tears, and told me he was tired, and where was I going? But I thought it's only because I was the one who brought him there, out of the routine, thus the clinginess.
• Another time, he had to stay behind for 30 minutes after dismissal. The reason? He refused to finish his school work! And it was just a colouring activity! His form teacher called in my MIL and asked her to stay with him, to get him to finish the work, because he refused to listen to them.
• Feedback from the form teacher: my son is extremely bright, but was very noisy in class. Can't stay seated. Doesn't pay attention to lessons. And refused to do his school work.
• As a result of the non-compliance, I had to write a letter to his teacher to explain my son's personality quirk. He abhors it when someone tells him to do something "just because"...he'll simply dig in his heels and refuse. You need to explain satisfactorily before he agrees (takes too much after the mother, I presume...). And, of course, he's been exposed to a structured environment for all of two weeks, so he still needed time to adjust. The separation anxiety alone was a big hurdle for him.
• Had to amend the SSS rules because of this. Instead of simply not crying, he now needs to participate and listen to his teachers for him to earn a smiley.
• However, since the brouhaha transpired towards the end of the week, and he had earned some smileys already, a promise was a promise: he still got his Timezone play time for getting 4 out of 5 smileys.

Week 4

• Greatly improved, especially after being given The Talk by his form teacher. I imagine being told you need to stay if your work is not done - to the extent of sleeping in the classroom unless you complete it - is enough to make a child behave. My son clarified, though, where it is he would sleep if there was no bed, and whether the lights and air-conditioning will be turned off. Gotta love this kid's spunk!
• He is more open now and tells us stories of what happened during his day. The first three weeks, he usually just responds with "I don't know" when asked. He now shares brief stories with us, provided we ask the right questions. I think he will learn to tell us about his day on his own, eventually.
• He now eats with relish, albeit slower than his classmates, and finishes his food (he said he didn't need to throw his buns in the trash bin anymore).
• 4 smileys out of 5: I took him out to eat in a favourite restaurant, and got him some new storybooks.

I was pleasantly surprised to receive an SMS from his form teacher yesterday. Here's what she told me: Thank you for your letter of appreciation and updating me on issues relating to your boy. You and your family had really contributed a lot toward Miguel's learning and intellect. He's a really bright boy and a joy to have in class. He's doing alright in class last week compared to the second week when he was here, he is listening to me when I told him to wait for his turn, or to give his friend a chance to talk. Give him some time and in no time he'll understand that there are rules to follow in school. He is also getting along well with his peers.

Now isn't that a delightful thing to hear?  I'm so proud of him. It earned him two smileys in a single day.

Todate, I am still keeping the daily ritual of leaving him notes. I think this is something I have to do the entire year; one time I forgot, he seemed genuinely disappointed. But I can live with the daily note-scribbling, considering the emotional benefits he reaps from them far outweighs the very small time or inconvenience it requires from me.

As far as rewards go, I still plan to give him the occasional treat. I am planning to try spacing the rewards, placing it at 2-week intervals instead of weekly ones. Let's see if it works. He is currently working on 10 smileys for a trip to the zoo.

So that's my son's month in review. I hope things keep getting better. He's not making much progress with his Chinese lessons, though, but that's another problem for another day. One step at a time, I'm positive we have the school year licked.

 

All photos courtesy of Getty Images

Bits and Pieces for the New Year

I know we're six days into 2010, but still I wish everyone a happy new year! I hope you all had a good celebration over the holidays with your family, friends and loved ones.

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I was supposed to put up a post before 2009 ended. However, the holiday rush caught up with me, and between my work and my family life, I lost the opportunity to complete the entry. Well, better late than never.

Looking back, last year:

...hubby and I were still struggling a bit in this new place. Now, I think we are in a much better position than we were a year ago and can afford a few of our small luxuries. We're also closer to completing payments for some of our major purchases. Woohoo!

...I just started out at work. Today, I am more comfortable in the workplace and gained friends in the form of my colleagues.

...I lost a high school friend and an uncle. But I believe I just gained two more prayer warriors who'll incessantly plead my cases to The Big Guy Up There.

...I missed Manila a whole lot. I still do.

...I argued a lot with my mother on the phone. We now end our conversations with I love you and I miss you.

...I lived with my family in a very basic (read: crappy) flat. We have since moved to a better location, with a very homey atmosphere.

...the quantity and quality of my blogs increased. I hope to outdo myself this year.

Overall, I was very blessed in 2009. I thank my Divine Writer for making it a challenging yet rewarding time. I ask for His continued blessings in the coming year.

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And because He was very generous to me, I would like to pay Him in a small measure by improving myself. This year, I resolve to:

...find more opportunities to communicate with Him.

...be less critical of myself and others.

...be more patient and less short-tempered. I know I sometimes hurt my husband and son when I have those occasional - okay, not-so-occasional - outbursts, and I am endlessly sorry for that.

...be wiser with my spending. I know I should take my savings more seriously this time around.

...drink more water and take less soda.

...spend less time on the internet (Facebook seriously hogs time!). Less time on the computer means more time for my loved ones.

...be less whingey when hubby goes on his business trips.

...be more productive, both at home and at work.

...be more organised.

...blog even more.

I hope I can keep my resolutions. After all, a new year calls for new beginnings.

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Speaking of new beginnings, my son entered a new phase in his life. He is now officially a school boy!

Last Monday, hubby and I played the supportive parents by attending the school orientation with our son. He seemed happy in his new environment, and he was eagerly checking out the toys and all the interesting stuff inside. Actually, on our way to school, he asked me, "Mommy, why do you have to come with me?" Sigh. It stung a bit, but I was glad to see then that he would have to trouble adjusting.

Turned out I spoke too soon. Yesterday, Grandma reported that he threw a royal hissy fit in class. Two hours into the session (he is scheduled for four-hour daily classes), he realised that none of us were around. He howled for all he was worth and none of the teachers could get him to quiet down! Dear Lord! Some of our acquaintances even said he was banging on the door. Good thing Grandma arrived and he calmed down, but everytime she would disappear from his sight, he would start whimpering again. Oh boy.

I understood he must have felt abandoned (he confirmed that he started crying when he saw Grandma wasn't around). I think what made it worse was when he saw some of the other kids' moms were peeping through the windows, but he could not see a familiar face to wave at.

It was time to put all my pseudo-psychiatry on a test run. I talked to him last night and explained there was no need to feel scared. I also took a desk calendar and drew a smiley face for 4 January, and a sad face on the 5th. I told him that if there are more smiley faces than sad faces for the week, he will get a reward on Saturday; if there are a lot of sad faces, then he won't get any treats. He looked like he understood, so he chose his reward: a trip to the candy shoppe to get some jellybeans. He also said the sad faces "looked weird and funny", so he vowed not to add any more to the calendar.

Apart from the bedtime pep talk I gave him, I also left a letter for him to read before he goes to school. Basically, I told him to be brave and have fun at school. (update: I just chatted with him a few minutes ago, and he said he promises "not to break his smile today")

I really hope all the encouragement works. I know that separation anxiety is all part and parcel of a child's growing pains, and that it's perfectly healthy, but of course I do not want him to be traumatised by the experience. School is meant to be a happy place, and I hope he believed me when I told him that his class is his  very own special place to enjoy. Let's see what happens today (all fingers and toes crossed!).

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I started catching up on my reading late last year. I'm glad to report I'm gaining some headway into the little reading list I made a few months ago. It's a nice feeling when you finally purchase a hard-to-find title. My first purchases for the year:

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And, finally, the first Monday of the year saw my hubby on yet another business trip. Oops, I promised not to be whingey. Right. I'll shut up now, I think.

Schools of Thought

I called my mother the other night and told her the exciting news that I just enrolled my son in nursery school.

At the risk of making an understatement, she was not thrilled at the prospect. She was dismayed that I broke one of her cardinal rules: that we, her children, pledge not to enroll our kids (especially male kids) before they reach the age of five. So across about 3000 miles, I got a sound scolding from my mother. Why are you putting my grandson through this? At his age, he should be getting his fill of sleep and play! I'm telling you, you're setting him on the wrong path...he'll get tired of school quickly and you will regret it! And when the time comes he starts skipping school and flunking, don't tell me I didn't warn you!

I think I got the equivalent of Ronald Weasley's Howler.

My mother admonished me on shirking my responsibilities. She is under the impression that I do not want to take charge of my son's education under my personal watchful eye, which is why she says I would rather stick him in school. I just kept quiet because I know getting a word in edgewise, once she gets heated up, is virtually impossible. Especially when it comes to these things.

Let me set the record straight. In all fairness to my mother, she is in a good position to know about these things. She was, after all, an educator for more than 25 solid years (and counting, if you include the lectures my siblings and I get at the slightest provocation). Perhaps she had observed a pattern in my brothers, in my nephews and other male relations, or in her gazillion students, such that she made her own conclusion. She has this theory that the male of our species tire easily of rigid education, and so we must endeavour to delay formal schooling until the last possible minute. In place of school, it is a parent's duty to instruct the child from home, in as conducive a manner as possible, using a play-to-learn approach.

It does sound very ideal. In fact, she used the system on me (even if I am female), so she likes to dangle my intellectual superiority over my siblings to drive in the point (disclaimer: the point expressed is my mother's opinion and not mine).

So why, then, did I not subscribe to her school of thought?

For one thing, I have an opinion on why her system worked so wonderfully for me: SHE was the one teaching me. In my mind, she is still one of the best English teachers around (which explains why I excel in grammar and literature, while failing miserably in Math and Science). I don't think it will work as well for my son if he is stuck most of the day with only the caregiver around. Case in point: after only about two months of being with her, malutong na syang managalog ngayon. At may puntong Ilonggo pa. And I can't blame him because he only spends a few waking hours with us parents during weekdays.

Now don't get me wrong. I have no intention of completely eradicating Filipino from his vocabulary. In fact, I want him to be strong in both languages in oral and written form. My thinking is, the household is mainly Tagalog-speaking, and since he can understand and converse perfectly well in the language, then what remains for us to build will be his English vocabulary and grammar (which is mostly my job, because he knows it's English when he speaks with Mommy). That's on top of the Mandarin which he has yet to learn (and for which he will not be able to get help from any of us).

Secondly, I believe that the time is right to send him to school. He is showing an eagerness to learn, evidenced by the thousand-and-one "why's" I receive daily. His curiosity is insatiable, and I'm afraid the knowledge I have may not suffice. It is truly marvelous for a parent to observe a child's hunger to learn. He can't stop reading, he can't stop asking. And so, there's that window I will NOT miss. I want him to be eager to go to school. I don't want to risk waiting, and find out later on that I have to force him to go because the eagerness had passed.

Most importantly, perhaps, I am painfully aware that my son sorely lacks some age-appropriate company. He is stuck with us adults 24/7. I had that kind of childhood, being the youngest in the brood (my nearest sibling is 11 years older than me). I get all kinds of praises from my parents' friends, on how well-behaved I am, and how very adult I was acting. Now, I hear that kind of opinion often expressed about my son. Which, in my opinion, is not so good for his well-being.

With all due respect to their parenting style, focused as they are on developing my intelligence, they kind of overlooked the growth of my emotional intelligence. I know that it's a fairly new concept and may not have been en vogue when I was a kid, but the fact of the matter remains that EQ is important in making a well-rounded individual. I had a hard time adjusting to my peers when I was younger, and I don't want my son to go through the same difficulties. True, I get compliments that I am "wise beyond my years" and have "older insights", but can one not be precocious yet fully-adjusted to peers? At this point, developing his social skills is something I want for him.

I am blessed to have such an opinionated mother. She is the type who will form her own judgment and will fight you tooth-and-nail for what she believes in. Unfortunately, it is also a trait I seem to have inherited from her.

My heart says I should send my son to school. And I believe it.