A True Story

I'm a big fan of karaoke. And if you're like me, I'm guessing that you have a "trademark" song. You know, that one song you instinctively look for and warble even before your first bucket of beer arrives? Yeah, that's the one.

For some strange reason, my trademark song is "I've Never Been to Me" by Charlene. It's an old 80s song. It is the sad story of a woman of pleasure telling her tale to a downtrodden housewife...a jaded soul rolling in wealth and "fabulosity", yet longs for her one true love. It's a poignant story of loneliness amidst wordly pleasures and wealth.

"Hey lady, you lady
Cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother
And a regimented wife.
I've no doubt you dream about
The things you never do,
But I wish someone had talked to me
Like I wanna talk to you...

Oh, I've been to Nice
And the Isle of Greece
While I sipped champagned on a yacht.
I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo
And showed them what I've got.
I've been undressed by kings
And I've seen some things
That a woman ain't s'posed to see.
I've been to paradise,
But I've never been to me."

No, it is not my story. But it reminds me of someone I know. Let's call her Margaux. And, yes, I changed her name to protect her identity.

Margaux was my childhood friend. Nothing really special about our friendship -- we sat next to each other in grade school, traded secrets, let her copy off my homework because she was too lazy to do hers. At an early age, she got into relationships, attended parties of all the popular kids, led the campus dance troupe and generally did all those "cool" and "hip" things that popular students in school get into. We sure had a strange way of defining "cool" and "hip" back then. But she was nice.

After our elementary years, Margaux transferred to another school. An institution known equally for women of substance and women who...well, women. Apparently, she did not fit into the first category. Because of proximity, and maybe because of the disparity of our interests and circles of friends, we drifted apart and lost touch. No big disaster for me, though, and I'm guessing she felt the same.

Fast forward to more than a decade hence. I was surprised to find a note in my inbox from her. A pleasant surprise, indeed. I eagerly replied and said hello, all the while praising cyberspace for opportunities such as this.

It was only a few hours later when I received her reply. The contents of her message surprised me. Not because I'm not used to hearing such stories, but because it's not really something you share with someone you haven't spoken to for the last 10 years or so. The words came pouring out of her like water from a broken dam during a storm. Niagara Falls, baby.

Margaux shared that she has several kids now. When she was still with Husband #1, she worked abroad and sent all her earnings to him. Margaux broke up with him after she went home to an empty bank account. Turns out he spent everything she earned on frivolous things. Jerk.

I was also surprised to find out that she worked for almost a year in this Asian country where money comes easy. There was a quick disclaimer that she "did nothing of that sort", but that she "earned easy money". I did not prod her any further, but of course, my imaginative mind tends to run away. Not that I want to think the worst about her, but it seems to be a logical conclusion.

She now has a second husband and has other kids with him. But they now live on a day-to-day existence because of mismanaged wealth. They lost all their properties and business due to excessive spending, drugs and gambling. According to Margaux, they now live off the money given to them by charitable family members, which isn't much.

It saddened me because I've always known Margaux to be a happy-go-lucky person. While not ridiculously wealthy, her family (birth parents) was well-off and she lived a comfortable life. She had a lot of opportunites, but she let them all get away from her because of her circumstances. And now, while putting up a brave front, she is living a life of regret and bitterness.

She hardly talked about her husband. She only mentioned him twice: once, to say that he drank everyday, and the second time, to say that he lost everything to drugs and gambling. But he is, after all, still her husband, and they are together "for richer and for poorer".

The good thing about her is that she owns up to the fact that some of them are her mistakes.

So what do you say to someone like her? I just gave her a lot of encouraging words and said that she can always rebuild her life. It takes a lot of work, but it is not impossible.

Margaux and I are still in touch. Once in a while, she shares happy moments with her kids. I am happy because they represent hope for her...five good reasons to live and keep fighting. She's bitter about the little things she can't give her kids, such as a decent bed and the many comforts she enjoyed as a child, but I told her that all the material things in the world can never replace a mother's love.

Poverty is relative. In my eyes, they are not impoverished. They may lack a few luxuries, but they are together as a family. Sure, they all share one cramped bedroom and sleep on the floor, but they have a roof over their heads. They cannot afford designer labels anymore, but they have decent clothing. They may not eat out as often as they used to, but who says they have to, as long as they have three square meals everyday?

I pray that life will be kinder to Margaux. And I hope she also comes to realize the most important thing she has in her hands:

"Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie.
A fantasy created by people
And places as we'd like them to be.
But you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding,
And it's that man you fought with this morning.
The same one you're going to make love with tonight.
That's truth.
That's love."

Being Effie White

It's a shame to admit it, but I've only seen "Dreamgirls" today.

I'm not a huge fan of musicals. I don't hate them, but I don't like them that much, either. They don't exactly land on my priority list when I decide what movies to watch. Case in point: I have not seen a single installment in the "High School Musical" series. So sue me.

I have to admit that the recent tragedy in Jennifer Hudson's life was what lured me to watch "Dreamgirls". Does it sound too morbid? Not to me. I figured, hey, I keep seeing this girl on the news these days, I've seen her perform and be eliminated on "American Idol" (which, by the way, I still feel is an injustice) and I watched her accept her Oscar for this flick, so why not watch the movie?

Happily, I was not disappointed. Jennifer Hudson's big voice is already a given, but she breathed so much life into Effie White. Her character is fascinating.

We've all been an Effie White at some point in our lives.

In my case, when I look back on my past, I can recall those times when people took credit for what was the product of my hard work. Oh, I had lots of those. I remember moments when I've felt betrayed. They took the form and shape of "friends", co-workers, lovers, even family members. I also think I did my share of standing up to those who would love to see me fail, to lock horns and fight for my principles in the face of overwhelming bias and personal discrimination.

And even when you've faced several heartaches and heartbreaks, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with them. It still feels as shitty as the first time.

It's hard not to pity yourself during those moments. But, like Effie, it's up to us whether we choose to languish in the mire of depression, or use our big voices to be heard.

And WIN.

What was your Effie White moment?