My husband isn’t coming home tonight. Neither did he a couple of days ago. And many other nights, too…countless nights.
Nope, he does not have a mistress. He’s no alcoholic. He doesn’t spend his hours gambling. He definitely is not into illegal substances.
On the contrary, he is being a good husband and father.
I’m thankful that I have found someone like my husband – hardworking beyond belief, a good provider, very passionate about his profession, and someone who is willing to meet halfway but will never compromise the quality of his work. It is also a great source of pride for me that, among the many people in our network, our bosses entrust the most critical projects to him. He has proven his worth: many times over, he has taken over and “saved” some projects that have almost become disasters (for one reason or another). I can safely say that he is definitely an asset to the company.
This weekend is especially busy for him. Imagine, he has to edit three shows: 1) the final episode of a 10-year running gag show, 2) the pilot episode of the gag show replacing the previous one, and 3) the pilot episode of our network’s biggest and most ambitious project ever. He’s spent many sleepless nights this week. I know he must be exhausted.
As I write this, he is currently at the office editing his shows for airing tomorrow. I miss him terribly. Sure, we’re together constantly, as we go to and from work together all the time, lunch breaks and other mealtimes spent together…but when we’re at the office, we’re so wrapped up in each other’s businesses that we hardly even chat. Now, we even missed our weekend.
No, I’m not complaining. Like I said, it’s just that I miss him so badly. I miss sleeping beside him. Loud snorer as he is, the warmth of his skin comforts me as I drift off to Lala Land. I miss those half-awake moments when I’d find the crook of his arm and snuggle into it.
Well, at least I know that his hours spent away from me and our son translates into being a responsible husband and father. There are so many women out there whose husbands don’t come home to them; but, unlike me, they have entirely different reasons. Check the second paragraph, most of them must be having those problems.
Thankfully, I don’t share that with them.
I can’t thank him enough for being such a good husband to me. Our family’s future is always on top of his list. He has given my son and I a comfortable life: meeting all of our needs, catering to some of our little extravagances and luxuries…even sharing our abundance with our respective families.
I could never forget his love and care for me the day our son was born. For four straight days, he never left my side. From the moment my water bag broke, while I was having labor pains, when I cried in fear when they told me I had to go under the knife, as they pulled our baby from my womb, even inside the recovery room…he was with me all the way. He always tells me how scared he is of the sight of blood…but he went inside the operating room anyway, to see our son at the moment of his birth. To kiss me tenderly as I lay on the table, telling me how much he loves me. He even went as far as to be with me inside the toilet as I took my first poop, as I had a difficult time going around…I couldn’t even reach back to wash myself because my stitches hurt so bad – so he did. How many of you ladies have a husband like that?
I remember reading in my friend’s blog that one of the reasons adultery or infidelity is committed is when we try to find the missing 10% from the relationships we have…neglecting the other 90% that our partners give us so unselfishly.
In my case, sure, there are moments when I get annoyed at his habit of throwing his clothes around the house. There are times when I wish he would be romantic enough to give me flowers on Valentine’s Day, or to surprise me on our anniversary. When his constant forgetfulness drives me up the wall. When I wish that he would be chivalrous enough to open the car door for me and guide me down. That missing 10% from him, I’m sure I could easily find in other men.
But how many of them will be able to give me the 90% that I already have?
So to hell with the roses and the neat house and the obsessive-compulsiveness and the knight-in-shining-armor. I’d rather have someone who will be with me in my joys and in my pains. To comfort me and wipe my tears away when I need him to. Who would look me in the eye and tell me he loves me. Someone who would hold my hand and kiss me for no reason at all. A man who always makes good on his promises. Who understands my need to be alone sometimes. A person who is man enough to swallow his fears because I need him to be strong for me.
I’ve found that and so much more in my husband. I’m sure I will never find another who loves me like he does.
Who needs the missing 10% anyway? I know I don’t.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Rainy Day Musings
Finally, the big event is over.
I'm kind of ambivalent on the turnout, though...in terms of attendance, it way exceeded our expectations. Imagine, we were only prepared for 120 people, max, but the actual headcount soared to 170. A happy problem, indeed!
However, in terms of organization, I felt that I could've done better. I don't want to pass the blame on other people, but I honestly think that there were just too many changes, too many departments dipping into the project, that, in the end, we were the ones who suffered. Plus, it just sucks that the people who were supposed to be spearheading this project in the first place were all acting like prissy little bitches...their royal highnesses just wanted to sit prettily in their gowns; they're fast to pass the ball back at us whenever we try to get their support. At times, they go as far as abandoning their post. Every year, each time we hold events like these, they act like pampered brats, when, in fact, they should be the ones busting their asses to put everything together. If only all the decisions could come from our end, then, perhaps, things could have been a little better.
I also felt that we were seriously undermanned...like I said, attendance exceeded our expectations, and the simple and quiet event that we had in mind did not quite turn out like that. Come to think of it, the music playing during set-up could've been prophetic: "that's not the way we planned it, that's not the way we planned our lives..."
Oh well, what's done is done. At least we were able to see it through.
On a lighter note, after that brouhaha was over and done with, I got to spend four lovely days with my son. Oh, and last Saturday, my hubby and I even treated him to his first day out! Actually, what started it was his scheduled visit to the doctor for his immunization...since it was a Saturday, my hubby's family decided to come with us so we could drop them off at a nearby mall. And, because it was a weekend, you could just imagine the queue to the pediatrician's office, Heavens, it was a virtual kiddie party at the lobby.
To make the long story short, we left the doctor's office at around 1:00 pm (after lining up from 9:00 am, Jesus...!), and hubby and I decided to go along to the mall to do our grocery shopping as well.
My son's eyes were just ENORMOUS when we were going around! It was thrilling to see him so excited about everything...for me, it's like seeing my world in an entire new light. At first, we brought him around in his stroller, but we decided to pick up a baby carrier, and in the end, it was a really wise decision for us because he was afforded a better view. The little sweetie just didn't want to close his eyes. He even forgot to ask for his bottle, immersed as he was with his surroundings. However reluctant I was to bring him out that day, my doubts were quickly erased after seeing his expression...now, I can't wait to plan our next "excursion" =) And, happily, the little angel forgot the pain from his shots.
My experience with my son that day made me mull over some points in my life today. This morning, I was going through some of my Friendster friends' blogs, and I'm just...amazed...? fascinated...? shocked...? that, like them, my days are filled with so many worries, so many concerns that, to a baby like my son, all seem unimportant. To him, a day begins with a bright, happy smile and ends with a contented little snore...and everything in between is just sunshine and laughter. Sure, he has his crying moments, but those quickly pass by and are soon replaced with his coos and happy shrieks. And all the things he sees are just indescribably exciting.
Just when did we [adults] lose our fascination with the world? When have we ceased to find joy in a ray of sunshine, delight in a colorful flower? When did we start drowning in worldly concerns...and when will it ever stop?
I envy my son his peace of mind and his happy little thoughts. If only I could keep him protected forever.
I'm kind of ambivalent on the turnout, though...in terms of attendance, it way exceeded our expectations. Imagine, we were only prepared for 120 people, max, but the actual headcount soared to 170. A happy problem, indeed!
However, in terms of organization, I felt that I could've done better. I don't want to pass the blame on other people, but I honestly think that there were just too many changes, too many departments dipping into the project, that, in the end, we were the ones who suffered. Plus, it just sucks that the people who were supposed to be spearheading this project in the first place were all acting like prissy little bitches...their royal highnesses just wanted to sit prettily in their gowns; they're fast to pass the ball back at us whenever we try to get their support. At times, they go as far as abandoning their post. Every year, each time we hold events like these, they act like pampered brats, when, in fact, they should be the ones busting their asses to put everything together. If only all the decisions could come from our end, then, perhaps, things could have been a little better.
I also felt that we were seriously undermanned...like I said, attendance exceeded our expectations, and the simple and quiet event that we had in mind did not quite turn out like that. Come to think of it, the music playing during set-up could've been prophetic: "that's not the way we planned it, that's not the way we planned our lives..."
Oh well, what's done is done. At least we were able to see it through.
On a lighter note, after that brouhaha was over and done with, I got to spend four lovely days with my son. Oh, and last Saturday, my hubby and I even treated him to his first day out! Actually, what started it was his scheduled visit to the doctor for his immunization...since it was a Saturday, my hubby's family decided to come with us so we could drop them off at a nearby mall. And, because it was a weekend, you could just imagine the queue to the pediatrician's office, Heavens, it was a virtual kiddie party at the lobby.
To make the long story short, we left the doctor's office at around 1:00 pm (after lining up from 9:00 am, Jesus...!), and hubby and I decided to go along to the mall to do our grocery shopping as well.
My son's eyes were just ENORMOUS when we were going around! It was thrilling to see him so excited about everything...for me, it's like seeing my world in an entire new light. At first, we brought him around in his stroller, but we decided to pick up a baby carrier, and in the end, it was a really wise decision for us because he was afforded a better view. The little sweetie just didn't want to close his eyes. He even forgot to ask for his bottle, immersed as he was with his surroundings. However reluctant I was to bring him out that day, my doubts were quickly erased after seeing his expression...now, I can't wait to plan our next "excursion" =) And, happily, the little angel forgot the pain from his shots.
My experience with my son that day made me mull over some points in my life today. This morning, I was going through some of my Friendster friends' blogs, and I'm just...amazed...? fascinated...? shocked...? that, like them, my days are filled with so many worries, so many concerns that, to a baby like my son, all seem unimportant. To him, a day begins with a bright, happy smile and ends with a contented little snore...and everything in between is just sunshine and laughter. Sure, he has his crying moments, but those quickly pass by and are soon replaced with his coos and happy shrieks. And all the things he sees are just indescribably exciting.
Just when did we [adults] lose our fascination with the world? When have we ceased to find joy in a ray of sunshine, delight in a colorful flower? When did we start drowning in worldly concerns...and when will it ever stop?
I envy my son his peace of mind and his happy little thoughts. If only I could keep him protected forever.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Dreary Thoughts on a Gloomy Sunday
Sunday afternoon and I'm here at the office.
It's three days and counting before the big event -- that's our network Press Launch on Wednesday evening. I'm trying to collect my thoughts, clear my mind a bit to get all the odds and ends together. I'm obssessing on whether I'm forgetting any minute details, if I forgot to remind someone to do something, if there's anything important that slipped my mind...Heaven forbid!
But through my dizzying schedules these past couple of weeks, I couldn't help but feel guilty. The times I've been spending with my son are a lot less than I would have wanted: I have to leave early for meetings and other important things to do...I arrive late because of details that require my attention. I could hardly get up in the morning, and in the late evenings when I arrive, I'm so tired I could hardly open my eyes.
I become increasingly guilty especially when I have to entrust my little angel to my mother-in-law in the wee hours of the morning. After an entire day's worth of stress, my body just can't handle early morning trysts with the baby. I just need to rest.
Oh yeah, I try to compensate. Even when my body is craving for a few more hours of shut-eye, I push myself awake to catch my son's delightful smiles. I love it when I catch my son just waking up, as he drowsily catches my eyes and gives a sweet, sweet, sleepy little smile. It brings tears to my eyes, I swear. I make sure to leave at the very last moment that my schedule will permit me, cuddling him close to me and showering him with kisses.
My boy always seems to sense whenever I'm about to leave for work. No matter how deeply asleep he is, he always wakes up just in time to see me go. It's a bittersweet moment for me: it flatters me to no end that my son values the few minutes' worth of cuddles and kisses, but it also tortures me to think that he would have to "steal" those times with me. I miss my post-operative days when we would just be together the entire day. If I had a choice, I would rather drown myself in his sweet smiles than sit here in the office.
It's a good thing I didn't go to work last Friday, at least I spent a little more time with him...plus yesterday's a Saturday, technically there's no work, so that's another day well-spent together. But these days, I'm beginning to realize the downside to my type of job. Even when I'm home, I have to stay in front of the computer, emailing to no end...or else spend hours on the phone, coordinating stuff that just wouldn't wait. ***Sigh*** my son's just a few feet away, and I couldn't even go play with him...
So after this friggin' launch is done, I don't plan to remove myself from my son's side for a long time. I swear.
It's three days and counting before the big event -- that's our network Press Launch on Wednesday evening. I'm trying to collect my thoughts, clear my mind a bit to get all the odds and ends together. I'm obssessing on whether I'm forgetting any minute details, if I forgot to remind someone to do something, if there's anything important that slipped my mind...Heaven forbid!
But through my dizzying schedules these past couple of weeks, I couldn't help but feel guilty. The times I've been spending with my son are a lot less than I would have wanted: I have to leave early for meetings and other important things to do...I arrive late because of details that require my attention. I could hardly get up in the morning, and in the late evenings when I arrive, I'm so tired I could hardly open my eyes.
I become increasingly guilty especially when I have to entrust my little angel to my mother-in-law in the wee hours of the morning. After an entire day's worth of stress, my body just can't handle early morning trysts with the baby. I just need to rest.
Oh yeah, I try to compensate. Even when my body is craving for a few more hours of shut-eye, I push myself awake to catch my son's delightful smiles. I love it when I catch my son just waking up, as he drowsily catches my eyes and gives a sweet, sweet, sleepy little smile. It brings tears to my eyes, I swear. I make sure to leave at the very last moment that my schedule will permit me, cuddling him close to me and showering him with kisses.
My boy always seems to sense whenever I'm about to leave for work. No matter how deeply asleep he is, he always wakes up just in time to see me go. It's a bittersweet moment for me: it flatters me to no end that my son values the few minutes' worth of cuddles and kisses, but it also tortures me to think that he would have to "steal" those times with me. I miss my post-operative days when we would just be together the entire day. If I had a choice, I would rather drown myself in his sweet smiles than sit here in the office.
It's a good thing I didn't go to work last Friday, at least I spent a little more time with him...plus yesterday's a Saturday, technically there's no work, so that's another day well-spent together. But these days, I'm beginning to realize the downside to my type of job. Even when I'm home, I have to stay in front of the computer, emailing to no end...or else spend hours on the phone, coordinating stuff that just wouldn't wait. ***Sigh*** my son's just a few feet away, and I couldn't even go play with him...
So after this friggin' launch is done, I don't plan to remove myself from my son's side for a long time. I swear.
Friday, July 14, 2006
New Blog for a New Start
Hmmm...a fresh, clean slate, and I have no idea where to start. But let's give this a try.
I started a blog sometime last year, when Friendster offered subscribers their very own blogspots. I greeted this novelty with much enthusiasm, as, at that time, I had been very eager to start one but had no idea how. For a time, I got attached with my blog, pouring out to it the various events in my life, from the important to the mundane.
However, someone at Friendster had the bright idea to send out alerts to all your friends whenever you posted something new. I really hated it when my inbox gets flooded with all sorts of alerts...but what annoyed me the most was that I couldn't turn this feature off...which meant that, whenever I updated mine, I would inevitably end up doing the same thing to my friends' inboxes.
Now, we just couldn't have that, could we?
So here we are, starting a new blog, just in time for a new and very interesting phase in my life: motherhood. Yes, I am a proud mother of a beautiful 2 1/2 month old baby boy, the love of my life. I wanted to have my own space where I could freely talk about the wonderful changes in my life without having to burden my friends with constant alerts...being a new mother, I am naturally very loquacious about every little thing that concerns my boy or my life with him, and what better way to give way to those thoughts than to start an entire new blog?
Of course, this blog will not be solely dedicated to my baby (although I expect to talk about him quite a lot!). Like my old Friendster blog, I will continue to share my daily experiences, the highs and lows of my everyday life...
***Sigh*** It's always nice to have something new, don't you think?
I started a blog sometime last year, when Friendster offered subscribers their very own blogspots. I greeted this novelty with much enthusiasm, as, at that time, I had been very eager to start one but had no idea how. For a time, I got attached with my blog, pouring out to it the various events in my life, from the important to the mundane.
However, someone at Friendster had the bright idea to send out alerts to all your friends whenever you posted something new. I really hated it when my inbox gets flooded with all sorts of alerts...but what annoyed me the most was that I couldn't turn this feature off...which meant that, whenever I updated mine, I would inevitably end up doing the same thing to my friends' inboxes.
Now, we just couldn't have that, could we?
So here we are, starting a new blog, just in time for a new and very interesting phase in my life: motherhood. Yes, I am a proud mother of a beautiful 2 1/2 month old baby boy, the love of my life. I wanted to have my own space where I could freely talk about the wonderful changes in my life without having to burden my friends with constant alerts...being a new mother, I am naturally very loquacious about every little thing that concerns my boy or my life with him, and what better way to give way to those thoughts than to start an entire new blog?
Of course, this blog will not be solely dedicated to my baby (although I expect to talk about him quite a lot!). Like my old Friendster blog, I will continue to share my daily experiences, the highs and lows of my everyday life...
***Sigh*** It's always nice to have something new, don't you think?
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