Last June 1, my best friend gave birth to her baby boy via c-section. The little baby was born at 35 weeks -- 2 weeks shy of being a full-term baby. Although, for a preemie, he was remarkably well...he weighed at 5lbs 5 oz, so that's not bad.
It really is a miracle for them (my friend and her husband) because they have problems conceiving. They have this rare condition where their genes are too much alike, so the mother's system, instead of nurturing the baby, rejects it. But given the odds, the Lord still found a way to bring the tiny being out into the world. Truly a miracle.
My husband and I visited them a day after. We were looking at the baby at the huggery, and we were amazed at how tiny he was. We were transported about a year back, when the tables were turned and it was I who just gave birth. It's funny because at about the same time last year, my best friend and her hubby were our visitors...looking at our tiny miracle from through the window. How fast time flies.
When we came home, I took my little angel into my arms and marveled at how big he has become after only a year. I found myself showering him with hundreds of kisses...with the thought that in several years' time, he would probably be too embarrassed to be kissed in front of his friends by Mommy. Sigh.
At least, for the time being, my friend and I can both enjoy our little miracles as long as they would allow us. And I guess that, deep in our hearts, they will always be that tiny baby that we cradled in our arms when He decided to bless our homes with their shining presence.
Monday, June 4, 2007
Monday, April 2, 2007
Breakthrough Moment
I just had a breakthrough while I was walking to my husband's office a while back.
I realized why I'm having problems with my current job. It's because I have to adapt to an existing system. In my previous jobs, I always had the leisure of doing things my way. I always started from scratch. But now, I have to pick up where others left off.
I guess this is where I will have to learn -- and unlearn -- some things.
It's also timely that I found a document a few days ago, near the photocopier in the office. Maybe my guardian angel placed it in my line of sight, just to offer me comfort and support:
"10 Tips on How to Succeed from Failure:
* Failure doesn't mean you are a failure...It does mean you haven't succeeded yet.
* Failure doesn't mean you have accomplished nothing...It does mean you have learned something.
* Failure doesn't mean you have been a fool...It does mean that you had a lot of faith.
* Failure doesn't mean you've been disgraced...It does mean you were willing to try.
* Failure doesn't mean you don't have it...It does mean you have to do something in a different way.
* Failure doesn't mean you are inferior...It does mean you are not perfect.
* Failure doesn't mean you've wasted your life...It does mean you have a reason to start afresh.
* Failure doesn't mean you should give up...It does mean you must try harder.
* Failure doesn't mean you'll never make it...It does mean it will take a little longer.
* Failure doesn't mean God has abandoned you...It does mean God has a better idea!
God looks at you and sees a beautiful person waiting to be born! If you could see in a vision the man God meant you
to be, never again could you be quiet...
You are God's idea and God only dreams up beautiful ideas. He is expecting great things from you. Cooperate! Believe
in yourself, now, and draw the possibilities out of your being."
Sound inspiring, doesn't it? I'm trying to keep a positive attitude. I still have my moments when I feel lost half the time, when I feel like I'm committing a lot of booboos, and when I feel that the people around me swear I'm just plain stupid. But I guess I just have to keep rereading what I've written above, and prove that I can hurdle this.
It also helps, that, going back to my mobile phone's inbox, there are so many messages of support from people I hold dear in my heart...such as my good friends, my husband, and my mother. They absolutely believe in me. Sometimes, when I read their messages, I wonder why I have lost faith in myself, when all they can see is how fully-equipped I am to face up to the challenges.
Of course, when all else fails, I could always looks for a new job. But can I ever rest, knowing that I backed down?
It just takes a little more work than I anticipated, but -- for the moment -- it looks like I can lick this helluva job.
I realized why I'm having problems with my current job. It's because I have to adapt to an existing system. In my previous jobs, I always had the leisure of doing things my way. I always started from scratch. But now, I have to pick up where others left off.
I guess this is where I will have to learn -- and unlearn -- some things.
It's also timely that I found a document a few days ago, near the photocopier in the office. Maybe my guardian angel placed it in my line of sight, just to offer me comfort and support:
"10 Tips on How to Succeed from Failure:
* Failure doesn't mean you are a failure...It does mean you haven't succeeded yet.
* Failure doesn't mean you have accomplished nothing...It does mean you have learned something.
* Failure doesn't mean you have been a fool...It does mean that you had a lot of faith.
* Failure doesn't mean you've been disgraced...It does mean you were willing to try.
* Failure doesn't mean you don't have it...It does mean you have to do something in a different way.
* Failure doesn't mean you are inferior...It does mean you are not perfect.
* Failure doesn't mean you've wasted your life...It does mean you have a reason to start afresh.
* Failure doesn't mean you should give up...It does mean you must try harder.
* Failure doesn't mean you'll never make it...It does mean it will take a little longer.
* Failure doesn't mean God has abandoned you...It does mean God has a better idea!
God looks at you and sees a beautiful person waiting to be born! If you could see in a vision the man God meant you
to be, never again could you be quiet...
You are God's idea and God only dreams up beautiful ideas. He is expecting great things from you. Cooperate! Believe
in yourself, now, and draw the possibilities out of your being."
Sound inspiring, doesn't it? I'm trying to keep a positive attitude. I still have my moments when I feel lost half the time, when I feel like I'm committing a lot of booboos, and when I feel that the people around me swear I'm just plain stupid. But I guess I just have to keep rereading what I've written above, and prove that I can hurdle this.
It also helps, that, going back to my mobile phone's inbox, there are so many messages of support from people I hold dear in my heart...such as my good friends, my husband, and my mother. They absolutely believe in me. Sometimes, when I read their messages, I wonder why I have lost faith in myself, when all they can see is how fully-equipped I am to face up to the challenges.
Of course, when all else fails, I could always looks for a new job. But can I ever rest, knowing that I backed down?
It just takes a little more work than I anticipated, but -- for the moment -- it looks like I can lick this helluva job.
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Talking Myself into It
I'm facing times of self-doubt. When I feel that the tasks I have on hand seem to be bigger than me. I feel on the verge of failure and it's scaring the hell out of me.
I've always been confident in work. This time, though, it feels different.
Why am I here? Why did He put me in this position? I am searching for reasons but the answers have yet to be revealed to me.
For the moment, I just look to my son for inspiration. To give me the drive to surmount the obstacles. Because at this point in time, I really have no choice but to swallow my fears, not to give in to despair and frustration, and to tell myself that I have to succeed no matter what.
I can do this. I can do this. I really, really can do this.
For my son.
I've always been confident in work. This time, though, it feels different.
Why am I here? Why did He put me in this position? I am searching for reasons but the answers have yet to be revealed to me.
For the moment, I just look to my son for inspiration. To give me the drive to surmount the obstacles. Because at this point in time, I really have no choice but to swallow my fears, not to give in to despair and frustration, and to tell myself that I have to succeed no matter what.
I can do this. I can do this. I really, really can do this.
For my son.
Monday, March 19, 2007
1st Day After the 31st
It's my first day of work after my 31st birthday.
Today, I started my post in my new company. It's a bit of an adjustment for me, coming in my corporate duds, waking up really early to make it at 8:30am, having no internet connection of my own. Sigh. It's like shoving into my face just how good I had it with my previous company. I'm going to miss it, for sure (the company and its perks).
Honestly, I felt a little intimidated with the amount of work looming over me. All of a sudden, I wasn't so sure whether I was cut out for it. Like maybe I bit off more than I could chew. It didn't help matters, either, that, not only will I be replacing the old manager within two weeks time...I'll also be losing her assistant, who so happens to be resigning by the end of the month, too. Great, just what I need, the workload of two people combined.
Pain, pain, pain...
But if I decide to look at the glass half-full, at least I know that it will be a challenging job. It's definitely miles apart from my usual humdrum life at my former office, where I just surf the internet the entire day, my life punctuated by the papers I have to sign or the memos I have to compose.
My new job also cemented what I, once upon a time, told my husband about his career path. He was complaining that he had so many seemingly unrelated jobs, and that if he knew he'd be landing in the industry, he shouldn't have spent so much time with his other stints. I told him that it wasn't true. See, he was a computer teacher for kids, a musician, a factory worker, a cutting-edge IT employee, among other things. I said, look at where you put all these things to use now. His patience with clients is infinite (owing to his teaching experience with kids), he definitely has rhythm in his edits (courtesy of his rockstar past), he's not afraid of dirty work (imagine he used to clean up factory dregs in the noonday heat), plus he's more computer-savvy than most other technicians in our former network (that's the IT part playing).
Everything adds up. God's plan is just plain foolproof.
So now, I am left doing the same internal debate with myself. Am I throwing away my 10 good years in the business? Did I just become a corporate sell-out?
Maybe. Or maybe not.
Or am I just talking myself into staying on?
Hmmm...is 31 too early for a mid-life crisis?
Today, I started my post in my new company. It's a bit of an adjustment for me, coming in my corporate duds, waking up really early to make it at 8:30am, having no internet connection of my own. Sigh. It's like shoving into my face just how good I had it with my previous company. I'm going to miss it, for sure (the company and its perks).
Honestly, I felt a little intimidated with the amount of work looming over me. All of a sudden, I wasn't so sure whether I was cut out for it. Like maybe I bit off more than I could chew. It didn't help matters, either, that, not only will I be replacing the old manager within two weeks time...I'll also be losing her assistant, who so happens to be resigning by the end of the month, too. Great, just what I need, the workload of two people combined.
Pain, pain, pain...
But if I decide to look at the glass half-full, at least I know that it will be a challenging job. It's definitely miles apart from my usual humdrum life at my former office, where I just surf the internet the entire day, my life punctuated by the papers I have to sign or the memos I have to compose.
My new job also cemented what I, once upon a time, told my husband about his career path. He was complaining that he had so many seemingly unrelated jobs, and that if he knew he'd be landing in the industry, he shouldn't have spent so much time with his other stints. I told him that it wasn't true. See, he was a computer teacher for kids, a musician, a factory worker, a cutting-edge IT employee, among other things. I said, look at where you put all these things to use now. His patience with clients is infinite (owing to his teaching experience with kids), he definitely has rhythm in his edits (courtesy of his rockstar past), he's not afraid of dirty work (imagine he used to clean up factory dregs in the noonday heat), plus he's more computer-savvy than most other technicians in our former network (that's the IT part playing).
Everything adds up. God's plan is just plain foolproof.
So now, I am left doing the same internal debate with myself. Am I throwing away my 10 good years in the business? Did I just become a corporate sell-out?
Maybe. Or maybe not.
Or am I just talking myself into staying on?
Hmmm...is 31 too early for a mid-life crisis?
Monday, March 5, 2007
Heartbreaks
I've had a lot of heartbreaks over the last couple of weeks.
But they're not the heartbreaks I am accustomed to.
First, I unexpectedly found myself jobless. It broke my heart that the post I have held for the last three years of my life is gone. And what makes it even more depressing was that the post was dissolved, not on account of any misdemeanors on my part, but because my company is facing rocky times ahead. And this is a company I have grown to love. I even dared to dream that I had a long future in it.
I also found out that I have lost the heart of a freelancer. When I went back to the "real world", I simply felt that it is not my world anymore. I did not have the heart to face up to the competition again, not because I lost my guts, but because I had lost my heart to my new family. I did not want the cut-throat, dog-eats-dog sphere anymore. I wanted to go back to my comfortable cubbyhole that swarmed with friends who sincerely, honestly want to know how your day was. To the people who I spend majority of my time and efforts with. To the men and women who have become a part of my life. To those who stand as my son's second parents.
But, recently, I also realized that it is also during these trying times that, indeed, you discover who your real friends are.
And it made my heart break all over again when I found out who were my REAL friends and who were just passersby in my life.
Not because I did not want to keep those who have proven themselves real to me; far from it, I am very thankful for them.
It was because I sincerely expected everyone to be real. And therein lies the mistake.
When will my heart stop breaking?
But they're not the heartbreaks I am accustomed to.
First, I unexpectedly found myself jobless. It broke my heart that the post I have held for the last three years of my life is gone. And what makes it even more depressing was that the post was dissolved, not on account of any misdemeanors on my part, but because my company is facing rocky times ahead. And this is a company I have grown to love. I even dared to dream that I had a long future in it.
I also found out that I have lost the heart of a freelancer. When I went back to the "real world", I simply felt that it is not my world anymore. I did not have the heart to face up to the competition again, not because I lost my guts, but because I had lost my heart to my new family. I did not want the cut-throat, dog-eats-dog sphere anymore. I wanted to go back to my comfortable cubbyhole that swarmed with friends who sincerely, honestly want to know how your day was. To the people who I spend majority of my time and efforts with. To the men and women who have become a part of my life. To those who stand as my son's second parents.
But, recently, I also realized that it is also during these trying times that, indeed, you discover who your real friends are.
And it made my heart break all over again when I found out who were my REAL friends and who were just passersby in my life.
Not because I did not want to keep those who have proven themselves real to me; far from it, I am very thankful for them.
It was because I sincerely expected everyone to be real. And therein lies the mistake.
When will my heart stop breaking?
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