Heartbreaks

I've had a lot of heartbreaks over the last couple of weeks.

But they're not the heartbreaks I am accustomed to.

First, I unexpectedly found myself jobless. It broke my heart that the post I have held for the last three years of my life is gone. And what makes it even more depressing was that the post was dissolved, not on account of any misdemeanors on my part, but because my company is facing rocky times ahead. And this is a company I have grown to love. I even dared to dream that I had a long future in it.

I also found out that I have lost the heart of a freelancer. When I went back to the "real world", I simply felt that it is not my world anymore. I did not have the heart to face up to the competition again, not because I lost my guts, but because I had lost my heart to my new family. I did not want the cut-throat, dog-eats-dog sphere anymore. I wanted to go back to my comfortable cubbyhole that swarmed with friends who sincerely, honestly want to know how your day was. To the people who I spend majority of my time and efforts with. To the men and women who have become a part of my life. To those who stand as my son's second parents.

But, recently, I also realized that it is also during these trying times that, indeed, you discover who your real friends are.

And it made my heart break all over again when I found out who were my REAL friends and who were just passersby in my life.

Not because I did not want to keep those who have proven themselves real to me; far from it, I am very thankful for them.

It was because I sincerely expected everyone to be real. And therein lies the mistake.

When will my heart stop breaking?