Talking Myself into It

I'm facing times of self-doubt. When I feel that the tasks I have on hand seem to be bigger than me. I feel on the verge of failure and it's scaring the hell out of me.

I've always been confident in work. This time, though, it feels different.

Why am I here? Why did He put me in this position? I am searching for reasons but the answers have yet to be revealed to me.

For the moment, I just look to my son for inspiration. To give me the drive to surmount the obstacles. Because at this point in time, I really have no choice but to swallow my fears, not to give in to despair and frustration, and to tell myself that I have to succeed no matter what.

I can do this. I can do this. I really, really can do this.

For my son.

1st Day After the 31st

It's my first day of work after my 31st birthday.

Today, I started my post in my new company. It's a bit of an adjustment for me, coming in my corporate duds, waking up really early to make it at 8:30am, having no internet connection of my own. Sigh. It's like shoving into my face just how good I had it with my previous company. I'm going to miss it, for sure (the company and its perks).

Honestly, I felt a little intimidated with the amount of work looming over me. All of a sudden, I wasn't so sure whether I was cut out for it. Like maybe I bit off more than I could chew. It didn't help matters, either, that, not only will I be replacing the old manager within two weeks time...I'll also be losing her assistant, who so happens to be resigning by the end of the month, too. Great, just what I need, the workload of two people combined.

Pain, pain, pain...

But if I decide to look at the glass half-full, at least I know that it will be a challenging job. It's definitely miles apart from my usual humdrum life at my former office, where I just surf the internet the entire day, my life punctuated by the papers I have to sign or the memos I have to compose.

My new job also cemented what I, once upon a time, told my husband about his career path. He was complaining that he had so many seemingly unrelated jobs, and that if he knew he'd be landing in the industry, he shouldn't have spent so much time with his other stints. I told him that it wasn't true. See, he was a computer teacher for kids, a musician, a factory worker, a cutting-edge IT employee, among other things. I said, look at where you put all these things to use now. His patience with clients is infinite (owing to his teaching experience with kids), he definitely has rhythm in his edits (courtesy of his rockstar past), he's not afraid of dirty work (imagine he used to clean up factory dregs in the noonday heat), plus he's more computer-savvy than most other technicians in our former network (that's the IT part playing).

Everything adds up. God's plan is just plain foolproof.

So now, I am left doing the same internal debate with myself. Am I throwing away my 10 good years in the business? Did I just become a corporate sell-out?

Maybe. Or maybe not.

Or am I just talking myself into staying on?

Hmmm...is 31 too early for a mid-life crisis?

Stressed Out

I hate seat plans. And I hate it even more when everybody wants to sit on the "good seats". Supposing I only had 30 "good seats", and, like 150 people want to be on all those "good seats"...and all these 150 people just happen to be your boss from somewhere in the corporate ladder.

Would they consider sitting on someone else's lap in the "good seats" area, just so we wouldn't be accused of giving them less importance than some other boss? If that would be the case, then I can imagine about 5 people occupying the same seats at the same time.

I'm not making a lot of sense here...neither are they.