On sacrifices, celebrations and tributes

I've given up social networking. At least, for the time being. This is part of a Lenten "tradition" I started since I was maybe around 12 years old. I give up something I really like as a form of sacrifice. Back then, it's as simple as eschewing chips or chocolates or watching TV.

So, yeah, this year, it's all about giving up Facebook and Twitter. Which delighted my husband, because he's convinced I'm addicted to them. (Perhaps. But I'm bored, what can I do...???)

**********

We're celebrating two very special occasions towards the end of the month. First, it will be my son's 5th birthday on the 24th (Easter Sunday!). We won't be having a big party, but we will nevertheless celebrate the special day. I already placed an order for a Tom and Jerry cake (currently his favourite cartoon), which I'll be picking up on Sunday morning. I was actually fearing the worst when I dropped by the cake shoppe yesterday, forgetting that most establishments are closed on Thursday and Friday (meaning there would be less days for them to work on my order). Thank goodness the lady at the counter was very nice and gave in to my pleadings :)

After my baby blows his birthday candles, we'll probably be off to Fun Ranch or wherever his little heart desires. The day is all about him so, while we have no concrete plans yet, our little master-of-the-day will be the one navigating our journey. Good times.

Come the 28th, it's time for us to celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary. Every year, hubby and I feel that the wedding date is sort of anticlimactic, as what we really celebrate is our boyfriend-girlfriend anniversary, which is already going on its 11th year. Still, we do make it a point to spend quality time by ourselves, because whether or not it's the "real" anniversary, it is the day we made our formal commitment, right?

But...but...but...! I have no gift for the hubby yet...! And I am on panic mode! 

I did purchase Maroon 5 tickets for the two of us, but the concert is still on May 23, which is almost one month post-anniversary. And I don't really know what else to get him, because on his recent trip to Vegas, he shopped till he dropped and so he's got everything he needs (and wants).

I have a few days to come up with a really bright idea. Sigh.

**********

Speaking of Vegas, hubby brought home the cutest M&M's I've ever seen.

Pastel-coloured peanut M&M's (photo taken from malamutechaos' flickr photostream)

Plain M & M's (photo from mtnman.com)

They're so cute I don't want to eat them. I just like looking at the yummy (and oh-so-girly) colours. And since this was probably the only kiddie shoppe hubby could find at Vegas, he brought home USD50 worth of candies for our son! 

Either that, or he really just had a grand time getting the candies...and who wouldn't?!?! (photo from flickr)

**********

On a more serious note, I realise it's been almost a year since my big discovery. I won't go into the details since it's not really something I feel like sharing with the general blogging community. Suffice it to say, it was an earth-shattering experience for me...and almost a year later, I'm fine. I really am.

Truthfully, I feel a bit scared of myself. At times I think I'm becoming too desensitised. Yes, I know it's a defense mechanism, but still...sometimes it bothers me that I can't be bothered anymore, know what I mean?

To celebrate this "milestone" of sorts, I got inked again:

I got the butterfly last year, a tribute of sorts to my father, and as a symbol for my "metamorphosis". This year, I added the branch on my shoulder, which shows sakura flowers falling, which represents leaving my past and moving on. My mantra, alis volat propriis, is inked beside the butterfly. It is a Latin phrase (a language I love, by the way) which means "she flies with her own wings".

That branch on my shoulder? Fucking hurts. The fact that the most painful part of the inking process was the visual symbolising the past is, I think, poetic justice.

Perhaps I'm not desensitised, after all.

Cleaning up and keeping it clean

Has it been that long since I've last visited my blog? I can't believe my last entry was December last year. And it's now March!

So apologies to you, my dear neglected blog. I promise to be more faithful. (Or at least, I'll try...!)

Anyway, a lot has happened in between the last blog entry and this one. For one thing, the family is back at home. As in THE homeland. To make the long story short, hubby was asked to service some local clients, and so we all went back en masse and said goodbye to Lah Lah Land, if you catch my drift.

How come I wasn't this happy when I was packing?!

It was a stressful few weeks leading up to the big move. It was a happy thought that we were going back home, but then again, it's another cross-country move...and after I took a good look at all the odds and ends we've accumulated in the past couple of years staying abroad, well, suffice it to say that I got tired just trying to organise everything in my head. And it was even more stressful to try to fit in the last few years' worth of your life in about seven super-sized freight boxes. No wonder expats tend to give away really good stuff before they move back home. I totally dig that now.

So the next phase after packing everything is...unpacking. That was even more dreadful. After cramming as much stuff as we could into the boxes - about 60% of which is comprised of my sons TOYS (dear Lord, does he really have that much???) - I had to personally sift through them and put them back in our old house. Which, by the way, holds most of the stuff we left behind last 2008. Two household's worth of stuff to cram back into one home. And as if to add insult to injury, we decided that now would be a good time to renovate the house, after portions of it fell into [slight] disrepair.

Holy effing cow. I'm getting tired again just recalling the details.

I ended up packing most of our old stuff into large boxes. That included usable clothes, toys, magazines, DVDs/VCDs, books, etcetera, ad infinitum. Some I gave away to our carpenters (especially the baby stuff like cribs - one of them had a toddler who could still use it). Some of them I gave away to my nanny (so sometimes I have to do a double take when she comes in because she dresses like me at times, hahaha). The rest, I plan to donate to charity, because majority of them are really in good condition. I just don't have the patience space to keep them now. So if anyone wants to organise a garage sale or is planning to donate to some charity, do let me know. I am very interested.

Today, I see the term "spring cleaning" in a whole new light. Because after this very stressing move, I cannot STRESS enough how important it is to look through your things at least twice a year.

So now, I have a new resolution. I vow to go through the family's stuff every so often and dispose of the things that just collect dust. You really have no idea how much usable space you have until you take out the stuff that's just sitting there. (You know what I'm talking about...you know that bag that's staring at you from the back of your wardrobe, waiting for the next time you feel like using it? Yeah, that's the one.)

When was the last time you've peeked in your wardrobe? I beg you, please, declutter. It's for your own sanity.

*Photos courtesy of Getty Images.

Snips and snails and puppy dogs tails

I was watching The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy with my son last night. The episode was about a nose thief who stole Billy's nose.

                                        courtesy of www.tvguide.com

The climax showed the antagonist blowing up the nose to gigantic proportions, then using it like a hot-air balloon to escape from Billy and company...whilst holding on to the nose hairs. Grim, Billy and Mandy followed suit with their own inflated nose. When they were up in the sky, the antagonist's giant nose hit the three with a snot bomb, covering their faces. Billy simply licked off the snot so he can regain his vision.

I commented, "Ooh, that's disgusting!" My son turned to me and gave me a wickedly charming smile, and the following repartee ensued:

Son: But Mommy, I do that, too!
Mommy: (horrified look) You lick your snot off?!
Son: (grins) Yes!
Mommy: (testing to see if he's telling the truth) Really...? How does it taste like?
Son: It's salty! (belly laugh follows)

Little boys are gross. But charming. Very, very charming.

How Painfully Observant

The other night, our little family was having the usual pre-bedtime conversation. I don't know how we started the topic, but somehow, we wound up discussing money.

I told my son he should stop buying so much toys. To which, he gave me an impish little grin and said (pointing at me with his index finger), "You! Stop buying so much bags!"

And he turned to my husband and said (complete with the grin and finger-pointing), "You! Stop buying so much gadgets!"

Touche, my son. Touche.

The Road to Giving Up

Smoking, that is. Sigh. I know it's a disgusting habit, but what can I do...? Habits are habits, and most of the time, they're bad and hard to break.

I actually succeeded quitting a few years back. This was January 2005, a few days after my bestie's wedding. Like the story of probably 70% of the other quitters in the world, I decided to kick the habit after I fell sick. I had a horrible episode of laryngitis...my throat felt like it was being sliced open when I swallow even just my spit. That, plus a most un-ladylike cough triggered by my allergic rhinitis, was motivation enough to keep from lighting up. And as hubby and I were planning for a wee one that year, both of us decided we should keep our paraphernalia under lock and key.

We should've hurled that key into the ocean. Two years later, a few months before my son blew his first birthday candle, I found myself in the corporate jungle. As some of you may know, this cat has prowled the creative side of the fence for more than a decade, and so finding myself crossing over to the other side was a bit of a nasty shock. The pressure was different. I felt a bit lost. I had a very exacting boss whom I wanted to poison (Good thing I didn't. He later became one of my most admired people, and a good friend, at that!). I had nothing to look at but my workstation and the four white walls surrounding it (no windows, WTH?!).

And so, mid-2007, I found solace from an old friend habit. I dug up my dusty lighter, flicked it to life, and took the most delicious drag from my first cigarette in two years. The worst thing about this is, since hubby and I share a brand, he found himself drifting towards my pack of reds and lighting up, as well. "Just one time," he said. Ahhh, I said that, too. Until now, I don't know anyone who was able to keep that promise of "just one time".

Fast forward to today, late 2010. I've tried quitting a couple of times but ended up raising the white flag ("just ONE time...") and inhaling the toxic fumes like a thirsty desert straggler would take his first gulp of ice-cold water. I realize it's toxic and that alone should keep me away. But even just writing about it is making me lust after a stick. Seriously addicted, I know.

So what's making me try quitting again?

Several reasons. For one, I read about a former classmate's struggle with lung cancer. She's my age, an excellent swimmer, a mother of one and - irony of ironies - a non-smoker. That last detail gave me a monster-sized guilt trip. Here I am, pumping stick after stick of carbon monoxide, nicotine, tar, and God knows what else into my (hopefully still) healthy lungs, and there she is, fighting a losing battle to breathe. She lives her life one day at a time, not knowing whether her respiratory functions will be okay each time she wakes up. I truly, deeply feel for her. I don't feel sorry for her because that's the last thing she needs, but I understand what it must feel when you know you'll leave your loved ones sooner than later. But I digress.

Secondly, I've really been wanting to kick the habit, evidenced by the many attempts this year. Like I said, it's just difficult when someone in your household is a smoker, and smokes the same brand as you do.

Lastly, a recent conversation with my boy led me to this. We went out to buy some ice-cream, and along with that, I purchased my usual pack of Mediums. As we were walking home and he was happily licking his popsicle, I took a drag and he asked innocently, "Mommy, why do you have to smoke?" I looked and him and said, "Well, it's a habit a have." So he asked me what a habit was, and as I explained it to him, he asked whether it was a good habit or a bad one.When I told him it's a bad habit, he asked, "So why are you still doing it?"

For the life of me, I couldn't come up with a decent answer. There really is no good reason for it. So I replied with a question, "Would you think about doing this when you grow up?" And, horrifyingly, he said, "Yeah, maybe I would. Just ONE time."

So that settled it. The last thing I want to be for my son is to be a poster child of bad habits. And, although I expected him to later on have this same habit (because he sees it from Mommy and Daddy), I have to be completely honest and say I'd rather he doesn't start. And I told him that. I told him, I'd rather you don't start because it's hard to stop.

So wish me luck this time. I hope I bury this habit soon.

P.S. It's been 24 hours since I last lit up. I'm feeling withdrawal signs, and I expect it to get worse. But I did this once before so I sincerely hope I can do it again!

Getting old, huh...? Indeed...

I stumbled upon a celeblog (celebrity blog) today and read an entry from one of the site owner's guest bloggers. The guest blogger is a starlet in Manila and her entry dealt with "getting old".

Here were her "tell-tale signs" of ageing (and I quote, verbatim):

1. When you choose beer over soft drinks.
2. When you can't eat pork fat as much (because you know your blood pressure will rise).
3. When start calling you Ms. Mr. Ma'am Sir and it gets TOO ANNOYING!
4. When you start to attend too many weddings and funerals.
5. When you choose to stay home than to go clubbing.
6. When you already do things that can put you behind bars.
7. When it's already an effort to look good.
8. When you're eating chocolates not because you love them, but because it makes you feel better after a bad break up.
9. When you have to think of bills rather than boys/girls.
10. When your mind makes contracts your body can't meet.
11. When you don't care when you're wearing white socks with black shoes (AND I REALLY DON'T).
12. When when sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
13. When when there's nothing left to learn the hard way.
14. When you're told to act your age (YES MOM).
15. When you stop being excited about your birthday cake because chances are the candles will reveal your age.
16. When you choose to let your ass warm up on your chair rather than bringing it to the gym.

My comments, point by point:

1.  Young lady, if indeed you choose beer over softdrinks, then you are no doubt young. At my age, I have lost the quivering desire for alcohol. Unless it's over good conversation with some really good friends. Drinking for the sake of inebriation shows the characteristic irresponsibility that accompanies youth.
2. I have to agree that hypertension is a classic sign of ageing. Although people my age and older will take one look at the lechon (whole roasted pig) skin and say, "Gamutin nyo na lang ako pagkakain!" (Just give me my medication after I eat this!)
3. Ms./Mr./Ma'am/Sir stops getting annoying after a certain age. At some point, you recognise that it's a sign of respect (however grudging it may be sometimes). What offends me is being called lola (grandma), no matter how good-naturedly.
4. It's not attending a wedding or funeral per se that indicates your age. If you go to a wedding, you're no longer a guest or secondary sponsor, but a PRINCIPAL sponsor. Plus you are seated on the same table as the oldies. For funerals, I guess it's more of attending funerals of your contemporaries (think Dolphy).
5. The choice to stay home or go clubbing is not related to age. I was young once and I never enjoyed the social scene. Reading a book in a quiet corner of the house always won. I think that one is a function of her occupation and must not be taken as a generalisation.
6. Really, now...? Try saying that line in Singapore. Besides, irresponsible behaviour equals youth and immaturity. Ever heard of Lindsay Lohan?
7. It IS an effort to look good. It's just that some people were blessed with good genes and make it look effortless. Although, with Facebook now, I think everyone makes a conscious effort to look good (and to not wear the same thing on different photo albums, hahaha).
8. Binge eating after a break-up is not a sign of age. It shows the lack of capacity to deal with the problem, no matter how young or old you are.
9. Well, I have to give her this one.
10. And this, too.
11. Well, I damn well care! And, hello, Samantha Jones does, too. Actually, IMHO, age gives you the licence to carry fabulosity with aplomb.
12. Well, okay, that and fatigue.
13. Nothing left to learn the hard way? Then you are not ageing. You cease to live. Even my mom has important and painful life lessons at her age.
14. If you're being told to act your age, you're just being loud and irritating. Not old. If you're old, nobody has to tell you how to act.
15. I have no issues with candles. And I love birthday cakes. Besides, most people are discreet nowadays and omit candles. 
16. I've been that way forever. At my age, I've never been inside a gym for personal training. I only went inside for shoots.

Conclusion: you, Young Lady, are worrying too much. If anything. your post reveals how "un-old" you are and how little you know about the world. I don't know that much, either, but I certainly know a little more than you do.

Now go act your age and stay in your room! Kidding.

So Much for My List...!

I've been a bad girl this year. I just revisited my list of resolutions at the start of the year, and as far as I could see, I haven't made much headway. Here's my mid-year assessment:

...find more opportunities to communicate with Him. (ermmmm...this could still be improved, admittedly. Reading about Anne Rice' recent interview got me thinking. I'll blog about that separately.)

...be less critical of myself and others. (this one might need more time. I am still as critical of myself and others as I could be. Though perhaps a little less vocal.)

...be more patient and less short-tempered. I know I sometimes hurt my husband and son when I have those occasional - okay, not-so-occasional - outbursts, and I am endlessly sorry for that. (needs improvement, still)

...be wiser with my spending. I know I should take my savings more seriously this time around. (aaaccckkk...don't even mention this one! My wardrobe bears all the evidence of my guilty conscience.)

...drink more water and take less soda. (well, there we go. One resolution being kept!)

...spend less time on the internet (Facebook seriously hogs time!). Less time on the computer means more time for my loved ones.(Considerably lessened, yes.)

...be less whingey when hubby goes on his business trips.(this, too!)

...be more productive, both at home and at work. (hmmm...I guess. But needs improvement.)

...be more organised. (oh dear...)

...blog even more. (10 piddling blogs for the year! *kicks self*)

But I take heart knowing that there's still a couple of months to go before 2010 ends. And that I didn't reach the 100-day mark before I posted another blog entry. Sigh.