Sunday afternoon and I'm here at the office.
It's three days and counting before the big event -- that's our network Press Launch on Wednesday evening. I'm trying to collect my thoughts, clear my mind a bit to get all the odds and ends together. I'm obssessing on whether I'm forgetting any minute details, if I forgot to remind someone to do something, if there's anything important that slipped my mind...Heaven forbid!
But through my dizzying schedules these past couple of weeks, I couldn't help but feel guilty. The times I've been spending with my son are a lot less than I would have wanted: I have to leave early for meetings and other important things to do...I arrive late because of details that require my attention. I could hardly get up in the morning, and in the late evenings when I arrive, I'm so tired I could hardly open my eyes.
I become increasingly guilty especially when I have to entrust my little angel to my mother-in-law in the wee hours of the morning. After an entire day's worth of stress, my body just can't handle early morning trysts with the baby. I just need to rest.
Oh yeah, I try to compensate. Even when my body is craving for a few more hours of shut-eye, I push myself awake to catch my son's delightful smiles. I love it when I catch my son just waking up, as he drowsily catches my eyes and gives a sweet, sweet, sleepy little smile. It brings tears to my eyes, I swear. I make sure to leave at the very last moment that my schedule will permit me, cuddling him close to me and showering him with kisses.
My boy always seems to sense whenever I'm about to leave for work. No matter how deeply asleep he is, he always wakes up just in time to see me go. It's a bittersweet moment for me: it flatters me to no end that my son values the few minutes' worth of cuddles and kisses, but it also tortures me to think that he would have to "steal" those times with me. I miss my post-operative days when we would just be together the entire day. If I had a choice, I would rather drown myself in his sweet smiles than sit here in the office.
It's a good thing I didn't go to work last Friday, at least I spent a little more time with him...plus yesterday's a Saturday, technically there's no work, so that's another day well-spent together. But these days, I'm beginning to realize the downside to my type of job. Even when I'm home, I have to stay in front of the computer, emailing to no end...or else spend hours on the phone, coordinating stuff that just wouldn't wait. ***Sigh*** my son's just a few feet away, and I couldn't even go play with him...
So after this friggin' launch is done, I don't plan to remove myself from my son's side for a long time. I swear.
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